Edel Grace

Programmer, Developer, Enthusiast

Being Depressed in a Relationship

Feb 14, 2017 | Comments

Disclimer: This blog post does not give any advice.

What really irks me is when people say that those who are depressed don’t deserve or shouldn’t be in a relationship. Maybe it’s because I’m depressed myself and in a relationship that it’s a touchy subject for me.

However , I can see some of the reasoning. In my own experience, dealing with depression while being in a relationship has its own set of challenges.

Sometimes, I catch myself being stuck in my head and the other person falls off the radar. My lack of self care prevents me from being a better partner for my significant other. I get too wrapped up about how others might perceive and not the impact I have on others. Time I could spend improving myself is instead spent on staring at a blank ceiling contemplating my existence.

It really wasn’t until yesterday that I came to this realization.

I told my SO the other day how lonely I felt, one of the sources of my depression. I started crying. I had never cried in front of him before. He held me tight and told me, “You just need to find something to do with your time. Instead of crying, let’s find you a hobby.”

We had already talked about going to social gatherings like board game nights and the such. He turned that down, saying it wouldn’t solve the problem. He suggested things like knitting or a programming project. At first, I was a little annoyed. I wanted to meet new people and make friends, not spend more time alone. But now I understand what he meant.

All this time, I wanted external validation. If I didn’t fit in with a group of people or if I flubbed a conversation, it would weigh on my mind so heavily that it felt like the world was ending.

What I should having been doing is trying to find a way to be okay with myself. People will come and go and in the end, the only person that I will always have by my side is myself.

Now, I may or may not have reached this conclusion on my own. But if I weren’t in a relationship with my SO at this point, I wouldn’t have known right now. While he didn’t spell everything out for me and instead put it in a gentler way, it did help me.

So I am really grateful that I’m in a relationship, even if I am depressed.


A photo of me

My name is Edel Grace Altares. My programming interests include full stack development and back end development. My languages of choice are Python and Java. Outside of programming I enjoy crocheting, video games, cats, historical fiction, and reading.